When my job role became redundant I decided to take a month off for myself. I have always worked full time and it seemed like a good opportunity to take a career break. Well that month is now over so it is time for the career break to end and for me to now begin to career fix. I'm a bit sad about this as I've enjoyed my month off but its time to start looking for my next challenge.
Having taken this time out I have rethought my priorities and would like to work part time in the future. Ideally I'd like to find something for about 3 or 4 days a week. I'd also rather do something different, however I was in my previous job for nearly 16 years and somehow can't picture myself doing anything else. I think when you've been in a job for a long time you almost get institutionalised and doubt that you can work for anyone else. I'd like to become self employed but don't know if I am brave enough.
So the plan is to spend mornings on job search and the afternoons doing things I would like to do (except for Wednesdays of course when I write this blog). I've emailed off for 2 job details and then had the frustration of not being able to open the attachments to read the job descriptions (thanks to my brother-in-law for sorting this out for me). My first day of job search and I was already getting frustrated with the process and I decided not to apply for the jobs anyway as according to the job description they weren't looking for me.
So its time now to start looking forward and to think of the future but I have found myself reminiscing about the past and things that have already happened. This has been caused by a couple of related events.
The first was that a drama has been on TV called the "C Word". Its a true story about a woman diagnosed with cancer who decided to write a blog to help her to come to terms with her diagnosis. It sounds as though it should be a miserable way to spend an evening but it is very good (not without a tear or two admittedly as she dies at the end). It is available on BBC iPlayer and I recommend you watch it if you haven't already seen it.
The other thing that has got me thinking about the past is that earlier this year a former colleague died of cancer and yesterday would have been her birthday. She was an amazingly energetic, committed and vibrant person. Caring, enthusiastic and just bonkers enough to be interesting
I too was affected by cancer a few years ago and as my former colleague had already been through treatment she inspired me to try to be stoic through out my experience. Like the "C Word" I used to write about my experiences. I didn't write a blog at that stage but used to write an email which I sent out to friends and colleagues which I called my "Update". I found that the "C Word" rang bells for me in many ways although I certainly never saw a consultants office as nice as the ones on the TV show, to be honest most of them resembled broom cupboards.The treatment room on the TV show was also an upgrade to the one at our local hospital too.
Unlike the character in the show, my former colleague and many others too numerous to mention I am still here to tell the tale. I am of course grateful about this, I'm not ready to hang up my Jimmy Choos yet. But it does also raise other feelings as well. Feelings such as guilt as to why I get to survive and others don't (others who are maybe more deserving). There's also that thought at the back of my mind that the cancer could come back, it's not something that I think about for every waking minute but it is always there in the background. I guess it's a bit like tinnitus, when you're busy and having fun your brain is distracted and you don't hear the ringing but in those quiet moments you hear it all too well.
On a completely different note I went out for a meal the other evening. When I was searching through my handbag for my purse at the end of the evening in order to pay my share of the bill, I came across a plastic sherrifs badge spray painted silver. My friends questioned why I had it in my bag and for a while I couldn't remember why I owned it let alone had it with me. Eventually I remembered that I had worn it as part of my fancy dress on New Years Eve and I had just never taken it out of my bag. It made me think about all the baggage we carry around with us and don't even notice until someone else questions it. That baggage can sometimes be emotional or psycholological and can sometimes be physical items such as my sherrifs badge (or the carton of tomato soup which luckily my friends didn't spot lurking at the bottom of my bag).
So instead of looking towards the future this week I have been spending time looking backwards. We all carry around a lot of baggage but we wouldn't have got to where we are now without it. Sometimes bad stuff happens but sometimes things work out OK. And just to be on the safe side I recommend that you always carry a sherrifs badge and a carton of tomato soup with you, cause you just never know.
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