Bats, vampires and pumpkin soup

Halloween is fast approaching and I have a skeleton in the closet that I need to lay to rest. Whilst nearly every one else is excitedly planning their fancy dress costumes, which scary movie they are going to watch and what ghoulish tricks they are going to play on each other, I'm just waiting for the whole thing to be over. You see I don't really like Halloween or the horrors it entails.  So here's my list of nine reasons why Halloween and I don't get on.

1. I don't like being frightened. Other people seem to find being scared thrilling, but I just don't get it. I've tried to watch horror films many times and have either bottled out a few minutes in, often before the title scene has finished, or have regretted it for months after. I think that I have only ever watched 4 frightening films all the way through; Salem's Lot, Con Air, Carrie and Scream, all of them have given me nightmares for weeks, and in the case of Con Air I've had bad dreams for years. I reckon that there must be a gene, which I'm lacking, that's responsible for the enjoyment of fear. It's a well known fact that nature abhors a vacuum so instead of the scary appreciation gene I was given an extra ah! what a cute puppy gene.
2. I'm allergic to cats so the iconic black cat of Halloween really is an evil omen to me as when one comes near I start sneezing.
3. For years I've bought sweets in the expectation of trick or treaters calling only for none to come knocking, so I've been left with a load of cheap sweets I don't really like. For the last couple of years I've bought chocolates that I enjoy instead. So if any trick or treater's call this year they'll be offered dark chocolates with sour cherries, I'm not sure how popular these will be with kids though.
4. I'm not keen on spiders, severed limbs, ectoplasm and call me fussy but zombies and the living dead leave me cold. 
5. If I hear the noise of a door creaking eerily on its hinges, as a candle splutters and an owl hoots, I am tempted to reach for the WD-40 and turn the electric light on rather than go looking for the phantom who is probably lurking in the cellar.
6. I'm confused also about when vampires became so sexy and often goodies in modern media portrayals. I'm sure that Bram Stoker's Dracula would be turning in his, well his coffin if he could see how vampires have become the stars and often heroes of teen dramas and literature.
7. Orange and lime green really aren't my colours.
8. Werewolves? Unlikely, to say the least. In fact when I think about it I'm not convinced about ghosts, goblins, ghouls or Frankenstein either.
9. Bats are really cute and not the evil creatures they are made out to be. One flew into my living room the other day when I had the patio doors open, it swooped around the room a couple of times then headed upstairs. I followed it up to the bedroom and after a couple of circuits of the room it alighted on my bedside cabinet and I was able to get a good look at it. It had brown fur, was bigger than I thought it would be and although looked very elegant when in flight whilst it was trying to pull itself across my cupboard it looked most ungainly. I opened the bedroom windows and it soon found its way out.

So this Halloween I won't be getting my ouija board out, or heading down to the graveyard at midnight dressed in a sheet with eyeholes cut in. But be reassured I'm not a complete killjoy, I'll probably get a pumpkin to make some soup and may well serve it with garlic bread, just to ward off the vampires you understand.