Frizz, avocado and Lapland

I was a bit stuck for topics to write about this week and then happened to glance in the mirror and my inspiration was fired. I am going to review hair products and am not going to focus on just one shampoo or conditioner but am going to review the whole shebang. The reason for deciding to change the nature of my blog is that I had my haircut and blow dried yesterday, it looked really nice for a short while, a very short while. In fact if I'm honest it probably only looked good until the stylist put the brush and scissors down, certainly by the time I stood up from the chair to put my coat on it had started to revert to its normal state and by the time I got back to my car it was more a case of looking like I had just stepped out of the hedge rather than the salon. So here goes, my review of hair products, because believe me I have tried the lot.

Firstly for those who don't know me I should probably describe my hair so you know what the products have to tackle. I have very, very, very thick brownish shoulder length hair. It's not straight and isn't properly curly either, in fact it is the epitome of frizzy. My hair is what the word frizzy was invented for. When I was young my Dad used to call me Dougal, after the shaggy dog from the Magic Roundabout, as at that time I had long hair and it was much fairer than it is now. The other TV character that I resemble was again from the childrens shows of my childhood and that is Crystal, from Crystal Tipps and Alastair. Probably though if I had to chose my celebrity looky-like it would be Hugh Fernley-Wittingsall, pre 2003, a likeness that my family have been pleased to point out to me on numerous occasions. I know that I should be uploading photos here so that people who don't know these characters can see what I'm talking about but I find it too painful to have their frizzy bonces looking back at me (also I still haven't worked out how to do it, so you'll have to Google it yourselves). If you're having difficulty picturing it, just imagine a strange hybrid mix of Highland Cattle and thatched roof. Now you're getting the idea.

So we've established my baseline and you've an idea about my before look. There are a miriad of products on the market that claim they can tackle my problem locks and believe me I have them all. I guess that I must be an optimist as every time something new comes on to the market, claiming to be the latest miracle product, I'm straight down to the local chemists, sometimes so keen to try it that I'm waiting on the doorstep for them to open first thing in the morning. In fact I have wondered if the manager of my local branch of Superdrug thinks that I am a rough sleeper as I have often been standing in the doorway of the shop when he has arrived to unlock.

I now have every shampoo and conditioner ever made. But I don't draw the line there, I also have every serum, hair mask, spritz and balm. I have hot oils, leave in conditioners, deep treatments, hair putty, heat protection spray, glossers and waxes. I've tried natural bristle brushes, straighteners, ionic hairdriers, paddle brushes, afro combs and even smoothing my hair with a silk scarf to remove static. I've used products that claim to be infused with natural products such as flower extracts, honey, pearls and all sorts of oils such as coconut, aragan, almond and avocado. Some however rely on science and make claims about the wonderful affect of various vitamins, keratin, pro-v and ceramide. In fact I probably have more chemicals in my bathroom cabinet than Sadam Hussein had in his weapons factories.

As you can see I have some expertise in this area, so I feel that I am qualified to give my opinion. In all my vast experience which of them do I recommend and which have lived up to their claims? That would be a big fat none, nil, nada, zilch and diddly squat. After annointing my hair with all of these products, not a single thing has made any difference. I should have saved my pennies and would probably have enough money to buy my very own island, probably not a big island like Jersey, but maybe one of the smaller uninhabited Scilly Isles. Instead I have spent out a kings ransom and have ended up with hair that would have looked exactly the same if I had washed it in Billys' flea repellent dog shampoo, with the added benefit of being repellent to fleas, always a good thing. 

I haven't always had bad hair though. There was one glorious week in my life when my hair was sleek, glossy and wonderfully frizz free. It was when I went on a skiing holiday to Finland with some friends. It was so cold that all the moisture in the air froze and there was zero humidity, we all know that humidity is the arch enemy of frizz.  It was either this lack of humidity which gave me and my friends perfect locks or else being so close to Santas home.

So my advice to you if you have frizzy hair, buy the cheapest shampoo you can find and save your money. Put the money you have saved into a piggy bank until you have enough to pay for a winter trip to Lapland. You like me may have bad hair for the rest of your lives, but you'll have the memory of one week of hair perfection to compensate you. My other piece of advice, avoid mirrors at all costs, enjoy the memory and ignore reality.