Runner beans, triffids and bank holidays

This week I have mainly been eating runner beans. The wet summer we have had in Cornwall must have been really good for beans as there seems to be a glut of them at the moment. Someone brought a bag of them into work for us to help our selves to, so I took home a couple of meals worth. Then when I visited mum this weekend she also had loads. Over the past week I have had beans with roast beef, cottage pie, lasagne, minestrone soup and in my cous cous salad for lunch. I'm even starting to look like a bean, although admittedly a less green, not so skinny, more hairy and quite a bit larger version of one.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a bean as much as the next man/woman. I like all aspects of runner beans: I admire the vibrant plants that grow even taller than sunflowers, the triffids of the vegetable group; I love the crimson flowers that decorate the plants; I like the plants Latin name of Phaseolus Coccineus; I love eating them steamed, boiled and made into chutney and I enjoy searching among the lush foliage for the hidden beans, as I always feel a bit like a jungle explorer looking for treasure. But I am just starting to wonder if you can have too much of a good thing. I am eating them for every meal, yet still they seem to be taking over my fridge, there's hardly any room in there for milk, cheese or other veg, and I am having to drink warm wine as there's certainly no space in the fridge for cold plonk. I worry that one day I will come home to find that the beans have broken out of the fridge, taken over the kitchen and are planning their attack on the lounge.

Last night I went out for a pub meal for a friends birthday. I was looking forward to seeing my friends, but was also anticipating a beanless meal. Although we weren't served runner beans we did get their Gaelic cousin the French bean, so it wasn't really much of a change. Beans are taking over the world, brocolli doesn't stand a chance.

I love a collective noun (my favourites being a charm of goldfinches and an ascension of larks) and I wondered if there was a collective noun for runner beans. I checked on Wiktionary and the closest I could find was a "hill of beans, well I reckon that I have already eaten a mountain of them this week. I couldn't however find a collective noun specifically for runner beans so I'd like to suggest the following, see what you think;

• a Nike of runner beans
• a wigwam of runner beans
• a race or maybe a marathon of runner beans 
• or perhaps a fart of runner beans

A bit of audience participation would be good here, anyone got any other ideas?

In the brief moments between picking, preparing and eating beans, I have enjoyed the August bank holiday weekend, which incidentally I think should be renamed the Runner Bean bank holiday. I have seen some friends, had a barbeque, been for some good walks, bathed the dog and met up with my cousin and her family. But mostly this week, I've been eating beans.

So the answer to the age old question of " How many beans make five?" is probably about a trillion and not the traditional more conservative response of, a bean, a bean and a half, half a bean, and another two beans. Sorry this is a short post but I haven't got time write any more as I need to get ready for work and I haven't even chopped the beans to add to my porridge for breakfast yet...after all, waste not, want not.