Peacocks, astronauts and cream teas.

When we are young we have dreams about what we will do as a career in the future. Often when very young those dreams aren't realistic, because if they were to be realised there would be an awful lot of ballerinas and train drivers in the world. As we get older those hopes for the future alter and often become more achievable. We might aspire to be vets, lawyers, fashion designers or mechanics. Some of us may even achieve these ambitions.

Within those dreams those of us with vivid imaginations often picture ourselves in certain scenarios and imagine things we might say such as:

"This concludes the case for the prosecution my lord" or

"Blood pressure 60 over 80, get the crash cart. Stat!"

I am no different from anyone else in having these aspirations. In the past my dreams have morphed from being an astronaut, to a nurse, to an Occupational Therapist, running my own business, becoming a dog groomer and an internationally acclaimed novelist.

In my imagination I have heard myself say

"3, 2, 1. We have lift off" and

"I would like to thank the panel for awarding me the Booker Prize".

But never in all my dreams and imaginings did I expect to see myself in a job that involved shooing peacocks and chickens out of a tearoom or expect to hear myself saying;

"One of the goats has escaped and is terrorising the guinea fowl, could someone please help to catch him".

Both of these things I have done this week.

I am still working at the cider farm but for the last few days have worked in the tea room, which is in a converted barn and is open to a farm yard with a grassy area in the centre. In the yard there are goats, a couple of ponies, a shire horse and loads of chicken, a cockerel and numerous peacocks. The farm is dog friendly so lots of visitors bring their canine friends with them. Sounds like an idyllic pastoral scene I suppose.

But now picture this, the goats keep escaping and pestering the other animals so have to be tethered, but they then get tangled up in the tethers so need releasing. Anyone going near the goats, to untangle them, must expect to have items of their clothing eaten, the goats being particularly partial to shoe laces and trouser hems. Goats are often associated with the devil and I have previously thought that this was unfair to them, I now wonder if it was in fact the goats leading poor innocent Beelzebub astray.  Meanwhile the chickens and peacocks have a passion for scones and keep mounting raiding attacks on the tearoom. Unfortunately the scones don't agree with the birds digestion and their toilets of choice are invariably the gingham covered tables in the tearoom. The member of staff in the tearoom (lets call her me) is afraid of birds when they flap near her, so often acts like a pathetic, foolish coward. The shire horse is terrified of thunder and lightning and this week saw a day of impressive tropical type storms.

When young and picturing my work environment I certainly never expected the noise. None of the animals at the farm are renowned for being quiet, but I never realised what a racket a peacock in a scone feeding frenzy could make, This squawking then of course sets the dogs off barking, which in turn excites the goats. Add to this the waitress in the tea room squealing when a bird gets too close and looks at her in a threatening way with its little beady eyes and sharp beak and claws. This is then closely followed by a clap of thunder and the shire horse starts kicking the metal gate in resounding protest. I'm sure that I've heard somewhere that Noah had a drink problem, well I'm sure that if he didn't before he built the ark he would have developed one after the first couple of nights on board.

So no I didn't expect to be involved in any of this when I was younger, in fact I wasn't really expecting it 2 and a bit weeks ago when I started the job. Serving cream teas and ice creams amongst this raucous menagerie has definitely never featured in my career aims. I do however think that life would be boring if everything went exactly to plan and nothing unexpected ever happened. Boring, yes. Predictable, yes. But oh, how lovely and quiet it would be.